Get the baby gates, lock the cupboards, and load up Elmos Song, toddlers are on the loose. The Toddler Survival Guide is here to get you to the other side. Toddlers and zombies both communicate mainly through groans, clumsily trail after you everywhere you go (especially into the bathroom in the toddlers case), and--upon entering your life--leave you frazzled, on edge, and deeply sleep deprived. The Toddler Survival Guide is a hilarious parody of Max Brookss The Zombie Survival Guide (and survival guides in general) that will leave parents laughing out loud even as it provides practical advice on how they can make it to the other side of toddlerhood intact. Written by parents who have studied toddlers up-close in their natural habitat, the book will cover survival skills including how you can outfit your home to outlast a toddler occupation (baby gate, cabinet locks, wine), how you can subdue an angry toddler (Elmos Song, mac and cheese, smartphone) and even how you can safely venture out in public